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05 May 2009 @ 12:03 am
Form Letters: The Ultimate Turn-Off  
My friend sent me a terrible form letter some guy sent to her on Match.  It was as follows:

Subject: You are closer than you think.

Sometimes when you are ready to give up... you say what the h.. let me make one last effort. it might be worthwhile...To make a long strory short. I am interested in you. I am the alchemist.

At first, you might not like me. But, beauty is skin deep. I believe there is more to a person than what we can see...It looks like you have done it all. The Richard Gere.. and others and now you are ready for that special experience... yes..the point when you are thinking about something and your mate already knows what your thinking and your next thought or step...Yes..we could call it a mismatch. But, better yet, a perfect match...Ready to explore...strike for your luck because you are closer than you think.
Good luck.

Oh.  Yeah, sure.  What?!  No... just no.

This is one of many I've read over the years through said friend and hell, I've even been the recipient of these from people on sites like WAYN and Flixster who think those are dating sites instead of being for travel and movies respectively.  Ugh.  These are lazy asses who can't even take two minutes out of their lives to write a simple "Hi, so and so, I like your profile a lot." etc. and send the fucker off.  I wrote what I wanted to be an obvious form email for her to send back to these morons because I rather liked the idea of replying with an equally impersonal message, meant for any douchebag who does this sort of thing, just something I typed out rather quickly to get the job done. 

Feel free to use it, anyone on Match or any of the other dating sites.  It's all yours.

To Whom It May Concern:

Sending a prospective date a form letter is in terribly bad taste and not only indicates one's true level of interest but tells the woman that the man is very lazy and is probably sending that same letter to hundreds of women at a time.  This is not a man to be taken seriously or to be trusted.  I am guessing there are probably multiple misspellings in it as well.  A form letter, to me, deserves the same consideration, so this is your form letter, a reply written especially for men who can't be bothered to take the time to write a short, personal note (e.g. "Hi, ________, I saw your profile and I really liked such and such about it.  Perhaps we can grab a coffee sometime?") lovingly copied and pasted to you with minimal effort on my part.  Perhaps you didn't even read my profile.  How can I possibly tell from the impersonal mess you just sent me?  What I DO know is that you sorely need to work on your act.  Form emails are not impressive in the least and in fact are a huge turn-off, even if your profile was otherwise attractive.  Fare thee well, failed suitor.  Maybe you'll find a woman with lowered expectations who doesn't mind receiving the same exact letter you sent to me.


Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
cthonuscthonus on May 5th, 2009 05:39 pm (UTC)
It's the same people who spam sites with ASL? requests rather than bother to check your profile to see which continent you purport to come from.

Last person who sent me an 'Age?' as a greeting message got 'Edwardian' as a response.

Actually the funniest thing was a Viagra spam with the subject 'Heave over your loved one'. Given what heaving means over here it was amusingly disgusting.