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22 October 2006 @ 06:48 pm
Oh, eHarmony.  
Upon checking my rarely checked Hotmail account for other, funnier reasons, I saw that hey... I have a lot of eHarmony matches! Excellent! So why not share the highlights with you?

Here's a 6'7" Christian industrial researcher. So, what's he looking for in a mate?

The one thing Heathrow is most passionate about:

  • i am most passionate about the character of my opposit sex and and how prety they were
Oh. Never mind. Next!

Here's a 42 year old guy who thinks rather highly of himself.

The most influential person in Ralph's life has been:

  • I`m my own inspiration.
Not to mention this:

The last book Ralph read and enjoyed:

  • Not really my idea of fun.
Illiteracy, what a turn-on!


This guy's name is "crazi".

The three things which crazi is most thankful for:

  • life
  • mind
  • clean heart
Um, okay... no. NEXT.

If I were actually looking, this would be an instant NO. Michael, a 42 year old Christian telecom tech...

The last book Michael read and enjoyed:

  • lot of years since last book
Wrong answer and wrong name because it goes against my strict NO MIKE policy.

Next we have 46 year old William, who maybe wants kids, so he clearly didn't read that I want none.

The most influential person in William's life has been:

  • Scouting leader who taught me to buy a few good things and take care of them,Thomas Jefferson- I have his same birthday and was born in Virginia--He was interested in a lot of different things. Two different engineering professors who taught me that facts and making money were interesting but people were more important.
Er, that's nice. *scratching head and moving on*

Alberto is a 33 year old Muslim, also an engineer. Do I attract engineers or what?

The most influential person in Alberto's life has been:

  • My boss. he is a great persona.
*still scratching head*

The one thing Alberto is most passionate about:

  • Love and romantism.
Alberto also loves mangling the English language. NEXT!

Gary is a 46 year old Process Engineer... see?

The one thing Gary wishes MORE people would notice about him is:

  • That I am easy to talk to and approchable. I seem to emit an aura of aloofness.
Not to mention the funny smell he emits from... well, we won't discuss that here. :(

Next we have Philip, who is a 39 year old Christian security consultant. Note that I said I do not want kids, so how come nearly all of these guys have them and care so little about what I want that they still present themselves to me, like a stinking, rotten buffet of HELL THE FUCK NO?

The three things which Philip is most thankful for:

  • my kids

The most influential person in Philip's life has been:

  • my kids. they have taught me to see things in a different light and get a better appreciation for things.

Three of Philip's best life-skills are:

  • Raising and/or caring for children

The things Philip can't live without are:

  • my kids
  • a fun job
  • playing music
  • my big boy toys

Some additional information Philip wanted you to know is:

  • i'm worth the trouble and no response is needed if you can't understand the whole having kids concept.
It's so nice to know these guys really read your profile before sending you a request. Who's next?

It's Urban, a 35 year old attorney.

The first thing you'll probably notice about Urban when you meet him:

  • I honestly don't know. Perhaps my intensity, which shows in my eyes.
All I need to say here was said better in IRC when I pasted the above: [18:28:01] [Kristian] Perhaps my will to kill, which shows in my eyes


All matches are now closed because I'm not so evil that I'd leave these guys hanging, even if they are dopes. ;)
Current Mood: amusedamused
onexbyxone on October 23rd, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
Wrong answer and wrong name because it goes against my strict NO MIKE policy.

That made me laugh. A lot.

It's funny, my college was mainly a school for Engineers. You could have had a lot of guys you didn't want following you around.
Luna: Calm_facenummymuffin on October 23rd, 2006 01:26 am (UTC)
Just thinking about that possibility will give me nightmares.
Skullbutt: Romana Plus Oneskullbutt on October 23rd, 2006 12:45 am (UTC)
If you're a Christian researcher, do you research Christians, or? That's kinda scary how that one guy's interested in how pretty "they were." "They were all pretty... until I mangled them beyond recognition and buried them all behind the Loaf 'n Jug on Fifth." Eeee.

... curious about the "no Mike" thing. As I'm married to a Mike, I'm naturally absurdly curious. And perhaps quite nosy.
Luna: ROFLnummymuffin on October 23rd, 2006 01:33 am (UTC)
I don't even know because it all hurts so much. I agree about the mangler too. *shudders*

It'd be a very long story, but let's just say that throughout my life, Mikes and I have never mixed in that way. Did you ever run into a particular guy name that keeps popping up in your life where they're either psychotic, completely immature or insanely stupid or some combination of these and they want to get in your pants?

This is where my rule came from. Just like my friend now has (or damn well should have) a NO CHRIS rule from horrific dating experiences. Friends are probably fine because you take away the whole dating thing, but anything else? UH-uh. Off limits!
Skullbutt: Life On Marsskullbutt on October 23rd, 2006 05:02 am (UTC)
Ahhh, I see. That does... not sound pleasant. We have to have rules in life and stick with 'em. I would say that there are definitely bad Mikes and good ones.

I've been lucky in that I've tended to attract weird, but basically harmless, geeks. The first guy who expressed interest in me started out as somebody I traded Michael Crichton and Robin Cook books with. But then I got chicken pox and he moved away suddenly and la grande amour was at an end, cue the credits.
Luna: Big_Scary_Worldnummymuffin on October 23rd, 2006 11:19 am (UTC)
Indeed! Weird but harmless geeks are fine by me. How I suspect it worked for me was that I'd get all the weirdo Mikes and everyone else would get the normal ones. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about my NO MIKE rule anymore as I'm happily living in sin with Bill. :D

Aw, that's a sad story, and chicken pox of all things, how bizarre!

Silent Bobsilentbob037 on October 23rd, 2006 02:57 am (UTC)
I could tell you so many stories about the level of crap I put up with when I tried to use EHarmony.
Luna: Big_Scary_Worldnummymuffin on October 23rd, 2006 11:22 am (UTC)
Oh, I can only imagine. I'm sure for every loser guy on eHarmony there's an equally unacceptable girl. The thought scares me, really, because there are some real doozies on these dating sites.

Feel free to share any horror stories if it's not too traumatic. ;)
Silent Bobsilentbob037 on October 24th, 2006 02:39 am (UTC)
Hey... Are you saying that I'm a loser guy? * kidding *

To put it simply, I got one date out of the service and that was it. None of the other women that I was matched up with ever got to that point and a good amount of them rejected me before I even had a chance to reply.
Luna: Big_Scary_Worldnummymuffin on October 24th, 2006 04:09 am (UTC)
Haha no! My quite normal and attractive female friend had similar problems on eHarmony and Match.com and Nerve for years now. Just from her experiences alone, it seems the dating sites are almost completely populated by people who have zero social skills, are desperate for dates but also want someone much hotter than they can actually get in real life. Their expectations can be pretty damn unreasonable sometimes. It kind of reminds me of the Mad TV skit, "Lowered Expectations". ;)

So yeah, it's really no surprise at all that someone normal and dateable can get lost in the sea of crap that's out there. Out of the 15 or so requests I had on eHarmony, only ONE stuck out to me as being intelligent and not of the "books aren't my idea of fun" variety. That there is SLIM pickins. :\